Adults With ADHD - Do You Need an Attitude Adjustment?

I hate to say it, but a lot of adults with AD/HD have an attitude problem. Many of us are negative thinkers with low self-esteem.

It's understandable; life with AD/HD can have us feeling bad for being so "different" from everyone else. And we feel worse when we try to improve our lives using the wrong systems.

Mainstream advice doesn't account for the unique wiring of AD/HD brains, and when this advice fails, we feel like we've failed. It chips away at our self-esteem.

As a result, many people with AD/HD grow up to be BMWs-people who constantly B*tch, Moan, and Whine! This is one of the reasons that adults with AD/HD often have trouble making new friends and maintaining relationships. It's also why so many of us struggle to get along with our family members, coworkers, and neighbors.

No one likes to hang out with a BMW. Their constant brooding, complaining, and finding fault can quickly bring a happy person down or zap that person's energy. Simply put, BMWs are a drag!

If you are a BMW, then don't fret. With a little work, you can adjust your attitude and improve your social skills. Here are three practical things you can do right away to overcome being a BMW.

1. Accept compliments with grace and gratitude-even if you don't agree with them.

If you're a BMW, then chances are that your self-esteem can use a pick-me-up. Accepting the compliments that are paid to you will go a long way in helping you feel better about yourself.

You'll find that most people genuinely mean what they say. If your friend says she likes your haircut, believe it! If you argue with her compliment by disagreeing and saying something like "This is the worst haircut I've ever had!", then you're essentially telling your friend that her opinion is wrong.

2. Avoid putting yourself down in front of others.

People often view self-deprecation as "fishing for compliments" and feel a responsibility to lift you up and make you feel better. After a while, this becomes annoying, and you can easily lose friends who might view you as high maintenance.

There's a big difference between expressing your challenges, and putting yourself down for them. It's perfectly okay to say "I would have liked to have the house cleaned up by the time you got here, but unfortunately I didn't have enough time." In contrast, a BMW might say something like "I'm such a slob! My house is always a mess and no matter what I do I can never get it together!"

3. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.

One of the easiest ways to adjust your attitude is to surround yourself with people worth emulating. When you choose to spend time with other BMWs, you're choosing to be a BMW.

Make a concerted effort to ditch the BMW within, and then invite a pleasant coworker to join you for coffee, take a walk with a friendly neighbor, or reconnect with a supportive friend. You'll absorb the positive energy of these good influences. And positive, happy people will be much more understanding when you do find yourself running late for lunch or forgetting a birthday!

When you adjust your attitude by increasing your self-esteem and adopting a more positive perspective, you'll find that you have an easier time creating and maintaining social connections. People will enjoy spending time with the real you, and you'll feel better about yourself, too!

Computer Literacy

Once, the thought was that only businesses had a need to use computers. Therefore, computer literacy was not necessary or required of the layperson. The average person only needed to learn and do what their corporate or organizational bosses told them.

Outside of work, a desktop (personal) computer was simply the next new electronic gadget for the home. A personal computer was for convenience and fun, and not a necessary requirement of everyday living.

Now days, if you lack computer knowledge and skills you may start to suffer low self-esteem, especially when you see the young and the elderly possessing such skill and knowledge.

You now find the use of computer technology in almost everything you do - all day, everyday. In fact, some high-end automates seem to require more than a little understanding of computer technology in order to understand the operational and programming functions.

Banks and other financial institutions may soon require some activities to take place on-line (for example, receiving e-bank statements), or you will pay a fee for an alternate method such as postal mail.

The younger you are the more difficulties you will experience in the future, if you do not possess a working (and constantly increasing) knowledge of computers. Improve your computer literacy and your self-esteem will certainly improve.

Those in the fifty plus generation, due to longer life expectancy, may also have trouble if they do not become computer literate.

In addition to self-esteem and lifestyle reasons, there are two other reasons why you should become computer literate.

Mental Health :

Studying computers will stimulate and challenge your mind. Learning all about computers will force your mind into a higher level of mental activity. In so doing, you strengthen brain cells and nerve connections. As a result, you maintain a higher level of mental alertness long into your later years. Vigorously exercising your mind, regardless of age, is necessary for long-term mental health, and for living a more vivid and fulfilling life.

Increase your computer literacy. Create a desire to learn all you can about computers. You could start by taking a class at a senior plus center or the continuing education division of a local college or university, or simply self teach. It is never too late to start.

Money :

a) The more you know about computers the more valuable you become to your employer. Your increased value could lead to job security and sometimes promotional opportunities.

b) Earn extra income by helping others with their computer problems. More and more people are buying computers. A fast growing trend is the need for inexpensive home visits to assist people (an aging population) with understanding computers, solving a wide range of computer problems, setting up a home computer network, and internet security.

Now you have it! Whatever you become computer literate for reasons of lifestyle, mental health, to make money, to improve your self-esteem, or any other reason, you absolutely benefit. You can not lose.

Instant Happiness and Addictions

Addiction does not have any boundaries. It can be in several forms. If a person eats too many hot dogs in a day, he or she will also be labeled as addicted to it. What is weird is when people associate addiction only with drugs, alcohol, tobacco, porn or sex. It's much to do with the fact that we only find those things harmful which are taught to us by the society. We never focus on the other things which make us weak and vulnerable from inside. Strangely is not?

What is the connection between instant happiness and addiction?

Anything which helps us move through the difficult times can be considered as instant happiness. For an example -: if a person who just had a breakup, would certainly be looking for ways and means to divert his mind from it. And the process of doing something to get a move on to achieve the temporary happy state can lead to wrong choices resulting in addiction. It all depends on an individual to what choices he or she needs to make keeping in mind the consequences attached to it.

There can be so many examples of it. We always have had people around us who shop more or probably eats more in depression. Is not also a kind of addiction? Did we ever think why they do it? It's because we do not notice these things as long as we see them putting an effort to get through.For some reason, it is the effort that catches our attention not the path attached to it.

Food addiction is a very common example these days because it gives you a good and satisfying feeling by consuming certain food but having a constant urge to eat it when you are not even hungry brings a lot of serious consequences to it, it could be physical, social or even emotional. The result of over indulging in that particular food which brings you joy could be digestion problems, low self - esteem, depression etc.

Let's talk about relationships. We all have seen and experienced the immunity pleasure of being in love. But relationships can not be taken for granted, we never know when it will get over and when it does, what we can do to get over it. I would like to mention about this friend of mine who would do anything to be in a relationship.Whenever he goes through a breakup, he would look for another person to fall in love with. This completely shows that he can not remain single for a long time. Maybe by being in a relationship, he gets his happiness. But how many times a person can fall in love, it sure looks like he is addicted to relationships. But does he know that?

We are certainly aware of the fact that not all the choices leading to the instant happiness result in the addictions but most of the times we tend to lod in wrong choices. Is not worth pondering about?

The question here is can we see us becoming addicted to something behind the curtains of instant happiness? It's the pain that we suffer makes us go to any depths to recover from it and thus leading to the dangerous path of unknown addictions.

Most of the times it is very difficult to foresee the consequences of efforts we put in to go for the instant happiness which we seek and desire. I am sure the circumances play a pivotal role in the choices we make but at the end of the day, we must accept that we are strong enough to control the circumstance.

The only thing that can be done is to be more observant about the choices we make to move through the difficult times. One should never think of finding the short cuts for it, rather we should all embarrass the difficult times as a challenge for better future without having to face any unexpected and oblivion ramifications of our need for instant happiness. It is difficult but absolutely a secure way of permanent happiness.

My Husband Is Always Compare Me To Other Women - This Hurts Me - What Can I Do? Insights To Help

I recently heard from a wife who was being hurt by her husband's constant comparisons between her and other women. Sometimes, he compared her to her sisters, friends, coworkers, or acquaints. Other times, he compared her to complete strangers. She had been trying to ignore this for a while, but laately, it had been angering and grating on her so badly that it was very negatively affecting her marriage.

The wife said in part: "My husband compares me to everyone. And the comparisons are never favorable. I'm not as thin as my sister. A mom as our neighbor. I'm not as good a cook as his best friend's wife. I'm not as good as a lover as his old girlfriend. goes to open his mouth. At first, I used to ignore him, but this is starting to happen all of the time and become much more hurtful. with something equally as nasty. How would he like it if I compared him to other men? I would never do this because it would hurt his feelings and he's my husband. him on this, he says I'm too sensitive. It's gotten to a point where he will openly stare at other women right in front of me. uch longer I can take this. What do I do? "

After a little more clarification, it became apparent to me that the husband would make these comments and the wife would withdraw and give him the cold shoulder for a short period of time afterwards. Over time, she had learned that bringing this up would only make her husband accuse her of being over sensitive. And if she tried to snap back at him, then he would become angry and things would just get worse. So instead, she would say nothing and she would stew. This caused resentment and deteriorated their marriage. More and more, she was being avoiding spending time with her husband because of this and other problems. So this was something that I felt had to be addressed and could not be left in the hopes that it would just work itself out. In the following article, I'll offer some tips on understanding why a husband may regularly compare you to other women and how to best deal with it.

Why A Husband Might Compare His Wife To Other Women: The wife could not understand why her husband would be doing this. He did not act this way when they were dating. It was only within the past five years or so that he had begun this type of behavior. There are various reasons that a husband might act this way. Sometimes, this is their passive aggressive way of drawing your attention to something they wish was so. And, they may be saying it's about your parenting skills or your work ethic, but it is usually about something else completely.

Many men criticize you for reasons that have nothing whatsever to do with you. They are often trying to get your attention in the hopes that you will pay more attention to them or to things at home (as illegally that this sound sound.) So they will often hit you with very low blows in an attempt to push your buttons just to get a reaction.

Other times, a man will point out your perceived flaws because he is very aware of his own. Sometimes, a man's comparison of you is really driven by his own lack of self esteem or because of his own worries. Sometimes, when I speak with the men on the other side of this situation it's clear that they try to pull their wife down because they deserve her. They secretly worry that if she knew how special she really was, she would leave him so one way to make sure that this never happens is to point out her shortcomings. And sometimes men react to stress by being critical of who is most convenient.

I am not defending this behavior. I am just trying to let you know that if you are in this situation, you can be assured that these comparisons are not reflective on you. They are reflective of him and you have to decide if you want to change it, continue to live with it, or remove yourself from it. (My recommendation is to attempt to change it if you can.)

How To Handle It When Your Husband Always Compares You To Other Women: The wife in this situation did not want to walk away. She asserted that there were other redeeming qualities in her husband. But she did not want to continue to live this way either, nor did she deserve to. And each time her husband did this, it deteriorated her marriage even more. I know that she dared to confront this because it appeared to only make things worse, but ignoring it just ensures that it keeps happening.

I suggested that the next time her husband compared her to someone else, she should make a note of it and vow to bring it up at a time when things were calm. If you try to address it when you are hurting or angry, you run the risk it becoming even worse. So, when things are going well and you are calm, that is the time to address it.

I would suggest saying something to the effect of: "I need to discuss something with you that has been weighing on me. Yesterday, you compared me to (fill in the blank.) This was hurtful and unnecessary. Honestly, this happens a lot. this makes me feel like I'm not making you happy or that you wish I was different. I worry that over time, it will make me resentful. And I know that you do not mean to hurt me. So, from now on, when it happens again, I'm going to draw your attention to it and ask you what is really bothering you. "

This is just a suggestion. You can use the words that are most appropriate to your husband and your situation. But the point is to address it in a constructive way, to open the door for him to tell you what is really bothering him, and to let him know that in the future, you will address it each time it happens. This lets him know that he can no longer have a free pass to keep up the comparisons.

Sometimes, just approaching it when you are both calm can inspire open communication that allow you to get to the real root of the problem. Because the comparisons are often a good indicator that your husband is trying very hard to get your attention and this can sometimes indicate some issues in your marriage that should not be ignored.