Adults With ADHD - Do You Need an Attitude Adjustment?

I hate to say it, but a lot of adults with AD/HD have an attitude problem. Many of us are negative thinkers with low self-esteem.

It's understandable; life with AD/HD can have us feeling bad for being so "different" from everyone else. And we feel worse when we try to improve our lives using the wrong systems.

Mainstream advice doesn't account for the unique wiring of AD/HD brains, and when this advice fails, we feel like we've failed. It chips away at our self-esteem.

As a result, many people with AD/HD grow up to be BMWs-people who constantly B*tch, Moan, and Whine! This is one of the reasons that adults with AD/HD often have trouble making new friends and maintaining relationships. It's also why so many of us struggle to get along with our family members, coworkers, and neighbors.

No one likes to hang out with a BMW. Their constant brooding, complaining, and finding fault can quickly bring a happy person down or zap that person's energy. Simply put, BMWs are a drag!

If you are a BMW, then don't fret. With a little work, you can adjust your attitude and improve your social skills. Here are three practical things you can do right away to overcome being a BMW.

1. Accept compliments with grace and gratitude-even if you don't agree with them.

If you're a BMW, then chances are that your self-esteem can use a pick-me-up. Accepting the compliments that are paid to you will go a long way in helping you feel better about yourself.

You'll find that most people genuinely mean what they say. If your friend says she likes your haircut, believe it! If you argue with her compliment by disagreeing and saying something like "This is the worst haircut I've ever had!", then you're essentially telling your friend that her opinion is wrong.

2. Avoid putting yourself down in front of others.

People often view self-deprecation as "fishing for compliments" and feel a responsibility to lift you up and make you feel better. After a while, this becomes annoying, and you can easily lose friends who might view you as high maintenance.

There's a big difference between expressing your challenges, and putting yourself down for them. It's perfectly okay to say "I would have liked to have the house cleaned up by the time you got here, but unfortunately I didn't have enough time." In contrast, a BMW might say something like "I'm such a slob! My house is always a mess and no matter what I do I can never get it together!"

3. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.

One of the easiest ways to adjust your attitude is to surround yourself with people worth emulating. When you choose to spend time with other BMWs, you're choosing to be a BMW.

Make a concerted effort to ditch the BMW within, and then invite a pleasant coworker to join you for coffee, take a walk with a friendly neighbor, or reconnect with a supportive friend. You'll absorb the positive energy of these good influences. And positive, happy people will be much more understanding when you do find yourself running late for lunch or forgetting a birthday!

When you adjust your attitude by increasing your self-esteem and adopting a more positive perspective, you'll find that you have an easier time creating and maintaining social connections. People will enjoy spending time with the real you, and you'll feel better about yourself, too!

Five Traits of a Sales DealMaker

What does a real Dealmaker actually look like? If you're lucky, you'll have one in your team, but can you spot them in the recruitment process? In my research while training, coaching and consulting in the project homes building industry, I have discovered the differences between DealMakers and the poor or inconsistent performers.

Confident

There appears to be a level of confidence which all DealMakers have in common. Below this, and they are hesitant to probe too deeply and are not strong closers. Above this, they border on arrogance and are extremely difficult to train as they already think they know best. In fact, they don't think they know, they know they know. Confidence and self-esteem which are too high results in impatience. They get impatient with people very quickly and tend to burn people off and move on. They can also be very critical, and don't think for a moment that this doesn't show in their body language. They can do well however, with hard-nosed business people or no-nonsense investors.

Overly Optimistic

In almost all cases, the DealMakers were over-optimistic of what they can achieve. They will shoot for the stars and expect to get them. Combined with a strong confidence, being overly optimistic seems to lead to increased bouncability and resilience. Add overly optimistic to someone with less confidence and you get less resilience if things don't go their way. It's easier to burst their balloon.

Sales Traits

These three sales traits can be measured- the Persuade, the softer of the traits and indicates a willingness to attempt to change people's minds; the Confront, the problem-solving trait which is usually what people with a technical background use to sell; and the Persist, the trait where they will not give up. Needless to say, all the real DealMakers I have profiled usually have at least two of the sales traits, most are blessed with all three. But some combine a couple of the traits with strong people skills, fuelled with a strong motivation to succeed.

Empathy

Most of the top DealMakers have natural empathy. This means that people warm and trust them quickly, they build relationships fast, an important trait if you are in a display home. They will also be able to read body language and know almost instinctively how and when to change their approach to get the right result. However, unlike their softer 'Nice Guy' Consultants, they will not let the relationship stand in the way of a deal. They will be upfront about problems but be extremely confident of helping the client solve any problems or obstacles which stand in the way.

Decisive.

The sale process in the building industry is a complex one. And when you add large sums of money and often people's lack of financial intelligence, the insecurity and uncertainty go through the roof. The average person can be indecisive and therefore needs a Consultant who can guide them through the decision-making process. If a Consultant is indecisive, their approach will reflect their own indecisiveness.

It is not uncommon for me to identify someone who does have the sales traits but may have a large number maybe's or unsure answers. Listen to their language as you interview them - are they definite or unsure on their goals. Can they tell you specifically what they are aiming for this year. To date, I have not seen anyone indecisive about themselves and their goals, become a real DealMaker unless they become much more decisive. If they can't tell you specifically and clearly what they want, the chances are they will accept clients indecisiveness as well.

What they're not.

Everybody's friend. It's interesting to note that many of the DealMakers can rub people up the wrong way. This may mean that they may be too assertive for some other internal departments - remember, they won't let relationships get in the way of a deal. But when it comes to clients, they have the people skills to read what is required, and explain away why they are being so strong in their approach. If you don't like their approach, guess what, they don't care. This attitude alone might get you to back off hiring them. Big mistake if you are looking for a DealMaker.

Most of the DealMakers I have interviewed were not organised, and again, cared less. If they cause problems for other departments, that's their problem. DealMakers can talk their way out of those kinds of problems so don't tend to worry about them. Accurate paperwork is simply not a priority for them.

And, they're not good listeners. Actually, they will listen to what ever they think is going to lead to a deal ie a client. But if you're prattling on about systems, paperwork or teamwork, don't expect them to care or remember what you say.

So, they will care about their clients above all else, the deal is everything and they will rub some people up the wrong way and care less. Reckon you can get past this in order to hire a real DealMaker?

My Husband Is Always Compare Me To Other Women - This Hurts Me - What Can I Do? Insights To Help

I recently heard from a wife who was being hurt by her husband's constant comparisons between her and other women. Sometimes, he compared her to her sisters, friends, coworkers, or acquaints. Other times, he compared her to complete strangers. She had been trying to ignore this for a while, but laately, it had been angering and grating on her so badly that it was very negatively affecting her marriage.

The wife said in part: "My husband compares me to everyone. And the comparisons are never favorable. I'm not as thin as my sister. A mom as our neighbor. I'm not as good a cook as his best friend's wife. I'm not as good as a lover as his old girlfriend. goes to open his mouth. At first, I used to ignore him, but this is starting to happen all of the time and become much more hurtful. with something equally as nasty. How would he like it if I compared him to other men? I would never do this because it would hurt his feelings and he's my husband. him on this, he says I'm too sensitive. It's gotten to a point where he will openly stare at other women right in front of me. uch longer I can take this. What do I do? "

After a little more clarification, it became apparent to me that the husband would make these comments and the wife would withdraw and give him the cold shoulder for a short period of time afterwards. Over time, she had learned that bringing this up would only make her husband accuse her of being over sensitive. And if she tried to snap back at him, then he would become angry and things would just get worse. So instead, she would say nothing and she would stew. This caused resentment and deteriorated their marriage. More and more, she was being avoiding spending time with her husband because of this and other problems. So this was something that I felt had to be addressed and could not be left in the hopes that it would just work itself out. In the following article, I'll offer some tips on understanding why a husband may regularly compare you to other women and how to best deal with it.

Why A Husband Might Compare His Wife To Other Women: The wife could not understand why her husband would be doing this. He did not act this way when they were dating. It was only within the past five years or so that he had begun this type of behavior. There are various reasons that a husband might act this way. Sometimes, this is their passive aggressive way of drawing your attention to something they wish was so. And, they may be saying it's about your parenting skills or your work ethic, but it is usually about something else completely.

Many men criticize you for reasons that have nothing whatsever to do with you. They are often trying to get your attention in the hopes that you will pay more attention to them or to things at home (as illegally that this sound sound.) So they will often hit you with very low blows in an attempt to push your buttons just to get a reaction.

Other times, a man will point out your perceived flaws because he is very aware of his own. Sometimes, a man's comparison of you is really driven by his own lack of self esteem or because of his own worries. Sometimes, when I speak with the men on the other side of this situation it's clear that they try to pull their wife down because they deserve her. They secretly worry that if she knew how special she really was, she would leave him so one way to make sure that this never happens is to point out her shortcomings. And sometimes men react to stress by being critical of who is most convenient.

I am not defending this behavior. I am just trying to let you know that if you are in this situation, you can be assured that these comparisons are not reflective on you. They are reflective of him and you have to decide if you want to change it, continue to live with it, or remove yourself from it. (My recommendation is to attempt to change it if you can.)

How To Handle It When Your Husband Always Compares You To Other Women: The wife in this situation did not want to walk away. She asserted that there were other redeeming qualities in her husband. But she did not want to continue to live this way either, nor did she deserve to. And each time her husband did this, it deteriorated her marriage even more. I know that she dared to confront this because it appeared to only make things worse, but ignoring it just ensures that it keeps happening.

I suggested that the next time her husband compared her to someone else, she should make a note of it and vow to bring it up at a time when things were calm. If you try to address it when you are hurting or angry, you run the risk it becoming even worse. So, when things are going well and you are calm, that is the time to address it.

I would suggest saying something to the effect of: "I need to discuss something with you that has been weighing on me. Yesterday, you compared me to (fill in the blank.) This was hurtful and unnecessary. Honestly, this happens a lot. this makes me feel like I'm not making you happy or that you wish I was different. I worry that over time, it will make me resentful. And I know that you do not mean to hurt me. So, from now on, when it happens again, I'm going to draw your attention to it and ask you what is really bothering you. "

This is just a suggestion. You can use the words that are most appropriate to your husband and your situation. But the point is to address it in a constructive way, to open the door for him to tell you what is really bothering him, and to let him know that in the future, you will address it each time it happens. This lets him know that he can no longer have a free pass to keep up the comparisons.

Sometimes, just approaching it when you are both calm can inspire open communication that allow you to get to the real root of the problem. Because the comparisons are often a good indicator that your husband is trying very hard to get your attention and this can sometimes indicate some issues in your marriage that should not be ignored.