Adults With ADHD - Do You Need an Attitude Adjustment?

I hate to say it, but a lot of adults with AD/HD have an attitude problem. Many of us are negative thinkers with low self-esteem.

It's understandable; life with AD/HD can have us feeling bad for being so "different" from everyone else. And we feel worse when we try to improve our lives using the wrong systems.

Mainstream advice doesn't account for the unique wiring of AD/HD brains, and when this advice fails, we feel like we've failed. It chips away at our self-esteem.

As a result, many people with AD/HD grow up to be BMWs-people who constantly B*tch, Moan, and Whine! This is one of the reasons that adults with AD/HD often have trouble making new friends and maintaining relationships. It's also why so many of us struggle to get along with our family members, coworkers, and neighbors.

No one likes to hang out with a BMW. Their constant brooding, complaining, and finding fault can quickly bring a happy person down or zap that person's energy. Simply put, BMWs are a drag!

If you are a BMW, then don't fret. With a little work, you can adjust your attitude and improve your social skills. Here are three practical things you can do right away to overcome being a BMW.

1. Accept compliments with grace and gratitude-even if you don't agree with them.

If you're a BMW, then chances are that your self-esteem can use a pick-me-up. Accepting the compliments that are paid to you will go a long way in helping you feel better about yourself.

You'll find that most people genuinely mean what they say. If your friend says she likes your haircut, believe it! If you argue with her compliment by disagreeing and saying something like "This is the worst haircut I've ever had!", then you're essentially telling your friend that her opinion is wrong.

2. Avoid putting yourself down in front of others.

People often view self-deprecation as "fishing for compliments" and feel a responsibility to lift you up and make you feel better. After a while, this becomes annoying, and you can easily lose friends who might view you as high maintenance.

There's a big difference between expressing your challenges, and putting yourself down for them. It's perfectly okay to say "I would have liked to have the house cleaned up by the time you got here, but unfortunately I didn't have enough time." In contrast, a BMW might say something like "I'm such a slob! My house is always a mess and no matter what I do I can never get it together!"

3. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.

One of the easiest ways to adjust your attitude is to surround yourself with people worth emulating. When you choose to spend time with other BMWs, you're choosing to be a BMW.

Make a concerted effort to ditch the BMW within, and then invite a pleasant coworker to join you for coffee, take a walk with a friendly neighbor, or reconnect with a supportive friend. You'll absorb the positive energy of these good influences. And positive, happy people will be much more understanding when you do find yourself running late for lunch or forgetting a birthday!

When you adjust your attitude by increasing your self-esteem and adopting a more positive perspective, you'll find that you have an easier time creating and maintaining social connections. People will enjoy spending time with the real you, and you'll feel better about yourself, too!

Instant Happiness and Addictions

Addiction does not have any boundaries. It can be in several forms. If a person eats too many hot dogs in a day, he or she will also be labeled as addicted to it. What is weird is when people associate addiction only with drugs, alcohol, tobacco, porn or sex. It's much to do with the fact that we only find those things harmful which are taught to us by the society. We never focus on the other things which make us weak and vulnerable from inside. Strangely is not?

What is the connection between instant happiness and addiction?

Anything which helps us move through the difficult times can be considered as instant happiness. For an example -: if a person who just had a breakup, would certainly be looking for ways and means to divert his mind from it. And the process of doing something to get a move on to achieve the temporary happy state can lead to wrong choices resulting in addiction. It all depends on an individual to what choices he or she needs to make keeping in mind the consequences attached to it.

There can be so many examples of it. We always have had people around us who shop more or probably eats more in depression. Is not also a kind of addiction? Did we ever think why they do it? It's because we do not notice these things as long as we see them putting an effort to get through.For some reason, it is the effort that catches our attention not the path attached to it.

Food addiction is a very common example these days because it gives you a good and satisfying feeling by consuming certain food but having a constant urge to eat it when you are not even hungry brings a lot of serious consequences to it, it could be physical, social or even emotional. The result of over indulging in that particular food which brings you joy could be digestion problems, low self - esteem, depression etc.

Let's talk about relationships. We all have seen and experienced the immunity pleasure of being in love. But relationships can not be taken for granted, we never know when it will get over and when it does, what we can do to get over it. I would like to mention about this friend of mine who would do anything to be in a relationship.Whenever he goes through a breakup, he would look for another person to fall in love with. This completely shows that he can not remain single for a long time. Maybe by being in a relationship, he gets his happiness. But how many times a person can fall in love, it sure looks like he is addicted to relationships. But does he know that?

We are certainly aware of the fact that not all the choices leading to the instant happiness result in the addictions but most of the times we tend to lod in wrong choices. Is not worth pondering about?

The question here is can we see us becoming addicted to something behind the curtains of instant happiness? It's the pain that we suffer makes us go to any depths to recover from it and thus leading to the dangerous path of unknown addictions.

Most of the times it is very difficult to foresee the consequences of efforts we put in to go for the instant happiness which we seek and desire. I am sure the circumances play a pivotal role in the choices we make but at the end of the day, we must accept that we are strong enough to control the circumstance.

The only thing that can be done is to be more observant about the choices we make to move through the difficult times. One should never think of finding the short cuts for it, rather we should all embarrass the difficult times as a challenge for better future without having to face any unexpected and oblivion ramifications of our need for instant happiness. It is difficult but absolutely a secure way of permanent happiness.

Five Traits of a Sales DealMaker

What does a real Dealmaker actually look like? If you're lucky, you'll have one in your team, but can you spot them in the recruitment process? In my research while training, coaching and consulting in the project homes building industry, I have discovered the differences between DealMakers and the poor or inconsistent performers.

Confident

There appears to be a level of confidence which all DealMakers have in common. Below this, and they are hesitant to probe too deeply and are not strong closers. Above this, they border on arrogance and are extremely difficult to train as they already think they know best. In fact, they don't think they know, they know they know. Confidence and self-esteem which are too high results in impatience. They get impatient with people very quickly and tend to burn people off and move on. They can also be very critical, and don't think for a moment that this doesn't show in their body language. They can do well however, with hard-nosed business people or no-nonsense investors.

Overly Optimistic

In almost all cases, the DealMakers were over-optimistic of what they can achieve. They will shoot for the stars and expect to get them. Combined with a strong confidence, being overly optimistic seems to lead to increased bouncability and resilience. Add overly optimistic to someone with less confidence and you get less resilience if things don't go their way. It's easier to burst their balloon.

Sales Traits

These three sales traits can be measured- the Persuade, the softer of the traits and indicates a willingness to attempt to change people's minds; the Confront, the problem-solving trait which is usually what people with a technical background use to sell; and the Persist, the trait where they will not give up. Needless to say, all the real DealMakers I have profiled usually have at least two of the sales traits, most are blessed with all three. But some combine a couple of the traits with strong people skills, fuelled with a strong motivation to succeed.

Empathy

Most of the top DealMakers have natural empathy. This means that people warm and trust them quickly, they build relationships fast, an important trait if you are in a display home. They will also be able to read body language and know almost instinctively how and when to change their approach to get the right result. However, unlike their softer 'Nice Guy' Consultants, they will not let the relationship stand in the way of a deal. They will be upfront about problems but be extremely confident of helping the client solve any problems or obstacles which stand in the way.

Decisive.

The sale process in the building industry is a complex one. And when you add large sums of money and often people's lack of financial intelligence, the insecurity and uncertainty go through the roof. The average person can be indecisive and therefore needs a Consultant who can guide them through the decision-making process. If a Consultant is indecisive, their approach will reflect their own indecisiveness.

It is not uncommon for me to identify someone who does have the sales traits but may have a large number maybe's or unsure answers. Listen to their language as you interview them - are they definite or unsure on their goals. Can they tell you specifically what they are aiming for this year. To date, I have not seen anyone indecisive about themselves and their goals, become a real DealMaker unless they become much more decisive. If they can't tell you specifically and clearly what they want, the chances are they will accept clients indecisiveness as well.

What they're not.

Everybody's friend. It's interesting to note that many of the DealMakers can rub people up the wrong way. This may mean that they may be too assertive for some other internal departments - remember, they won't let relationships get in the way of a deal. But when it comes to clients, they have the people skills to read what is required, and explain away why they are being so strong in their approach. If you don't like their approach, guess what, they don't care. This attitude alone might get you to back off hiring them. Big mistake if you are looking for a DealMaker.

Most of the DealMakers I have interviewed were not organised, and again, cared less. If they cause problems for other departments, that's their problem. DealMakers can talk their way out of those kinds of problems so don't tend to worry about them. Accurate paperwork is simply not a priority for them.

And, they're not good listeners. Actually, they will listen to what ever they think is going to lead to a deal ie a client. But if you're prattling on about systems, paperwork or teamwork, don't expect them to care or remember what you say.

So, they will care about their clients above all else, the deal is everything and they will rub some people up the wrong way and care less. Reckon you can get past this in order to hire a real DealMaker?