Adults With ADHD - Do You Need an Attitude Adjustment?

I hate to say it, but a lot of adults with AD/HD have an attitude problem. Many of us are negative thinkers with low self-esteem.

It's understandable; life with AD/HD can have us feeling bad for being so "different" from everyone else. And we feel worse when we try to improve our lives using the wrong systems.

Mainstream advice doesn't account for the unique wiring of AD/HD brains, and when this advice fails, we feel like we've failed. It chips away at our self-esteem.

As a result, many people with AD/HD grow up to be BMWs-people who constantly B*tch, Moan, and Whine! This is one of the reasons that adults with AD/HD often have trouble making new friends and maintaining relationships. It's also why so many of us struggle to get along with our family members, coworkers, and neighbors.

No one likes to hang out with a BMW. Their constant brooding, complaining, and finding fault can quickly bring a happy person down or zap that person's energy. Simply put, BMWs are a drag!

If you are a BMW, then don't fret. With a little work, you can adjust your attitude and improve your social skills. Here are three practical things you can do right away to overcome being a BMW.

1. Accept compliments with grace and gratitude-even if you don't agree with them.

If you're a BMW, then chances are that your self-esteem can use a pick-me-up. Accepting the compliments that are paid to you will go a long way in helping you feel better about yourself.

You'll find that most people genuinely mean what they say. If your friend says she likes your haircut, believe it! If you argue with her compliment by disagreeing and saying something like "This is the worst haircut I've ever had!", then you're essentially telling your friend that her opinion is wrong.

2. Avoid putting yourself down in front of others.

People often view self-deprecation as "fishing for compliments" and feel a responsibility to lift you up and make you feel better. After a while, this becomes annoying, and you can easily lose friends who might view you as high maintenance.

There's a big difference between expressing your challenges, and putting yourself down for them. It's perfectly okay to say "I would have liked to have the house cleaned up by the time you got here, but unfortunately I didn't have enough time." In contrast, a BMW might say something like "I'm such a slob! My house is always a mess and no matter what I do I can never get it together!"

3. Surround yourself with positive, happy people.

One of the easiest ways to adjust your attitude is to surround yourself with people worth emulating. When you choose to spend time with other BMWs, you're choosing to be a BMW.

Make a concerted effort to ditch the BMW within, and then invite a pleasant coworker to join you for coffee, take a walk with a friendly neighbor, or reconnect with a supportive friend. You'll absorb the positive energy of these good influences. And positive, happy people will be much more understanding when you do find yourself running late for lunch or forgetting a birthday!

When you adjust your attitude by increasing your self-esteem and adopting a more positive perspective, you'll find that you have an easier time creating and maintaining social connections. People will enjoy spending time with the real you, and you'll feel better about yourself, too!

Computer Literacy

Once, the thought was that only businesses had a need to use computers. Therefore, computer literacy was not necessary or required of the layperson. The average person only needed to learn and do what their corporate or organizational bosses told them.

Outside of work, a desktop (personal) computer was simply the next new electronic gadget for the home. A personal computer was for convenience and fun, and not a necessary requirement of everyday living.

Now days, if you lack computer knowledge and skills you may start to suffer low self-esteem, especially when you see the young and the elderly possessing such skill and knowledge.

You now find the use of computer technology in almost everything you do - all day, everyday. In fact, some high-end automates seem to require more than a little understanding of computer technology in order to understand the operational and programming functions.

Banks and other financial institutions may soon require some activities to take place on-line (for example, receiving e-bank statements), or you will pay a fee for an alternate method such as postal mail.

The younger you are the more difficulties you will experience in the future, if you do not possess a working (and constantly increasing) knowledge of computers. Improve your computer literacy and your self-esteem will certainly improve.

Those in the fifty plus generation, due to longer life expectancy, may also have trouble if they do not become computer literate.

In addition to self-esteem and lifestyle reasons, there are two other reasons why you should become computer literate.

Mental Health :

Studying computers will stimulate and challenge your mind. Learning all about computers will force your mind into a higher level of mental activity. In so doing, you strengthen brain cells and nerve connections. As a result, you maintain a higher level of mental alertness long into your later years. Vigorously exercising your mind, regardless of age, is necessary for long-term mental health, and for living a more vivid and fulfilling life.

Increase your computer literacy. Create a desire to learn all you can about computers. You could start by taking a class at a senior plus center or the continuing education division of a local college or university, or simply self teach. It is never too late to start.

Money :

a) The more you know about computers the more valuable you become to your employer. Your increased value could lead to job security and sometimes promotional opportunities.

b) Earn extra income by helping others with their computer problems. More and more people are buying computers. A fast growing trend is the need for inexpensive home visits to assist people (an aging population) with understanding computers, solving a wide range of computer problems, setting up a home computer network, and internet security.

Now you have it! Whatever you become computer literate for reasons of lifestyle, mental health, to make money, to improve your self-esteem, or any other reason, you absolutely benefit. You can not lose.

Five Traits of a Sales DealMaker

What does a real Dealmaker actually look like? If you're lucky, you'll have one in your team, but can you spot them in the recruitment process? In my research while training, coaching and consulting in the project homes building industry, I have discovered the differences between DealMakers and the poor or inconsistent performers.

Confident

There appears to be a level of confidence which all DealMakers have in common. Below this, and they are hesitant to probe too deeply and are not strong closers. Above this, they border on arrogance and are extremely difficult to train as they already think they know best. In fact, they don't think they know, they know they know. Confidence and self-esteem which are too high results in impatience. They get impatient with people very quickly and tend to burn people off and move on. They can also be very critical, and don't think for a moment that this doesn't show in their body language. They can do well however, with hard-nosed business people or no-nonsense investors.

Overly Optimistic

In almost all cases, the DealMakers were over-optimistic of what they can achieve. They will shoot for the stars and expect to get them. Combined with a strong confidence, being overly optimistic seems to lead to increased bouncability and resilience. Add overly optimistic to someone with less confidence and you get less resilience if things don't go their way. It's easier to burst their balloon.

Sales Traits

These three sales traits can be measured- the Persuade, the softer of the traits and indicates a willingness to attempt to change people's minds; the Confront, the problem-solving trait which is usually what people with a technical background use to sell; and the Persist, the trait where they will not give up. Needless to say, all the real DealMakers I have profiled usually have at least two of the sales traits, most are blessed with all three. But some combine a couple of the traits with strong people skills, fuelled with a strong motivation to succeed.

Empathy

Most of the top DealMakers have natural empathy. This means that people warm and trust them quickly, they build relationships fast, an important trait if you are in a display home. They will also be able to read body language and know almost instinctively how and when to change their approach to get the right result. However, unlike their softer 'Nice Guy' Consultants, they will not let the relationship stand in the way of a deal. They will be upfront about problems but be extremely confident of helping the client solve any problems or obstacles which stand in the way.

Decisive.

The sale process in the building industry is a complex one. And when you add large sums of money and often people's lack of financial intelligence, the insecurity and uncertainty go through the roof. The average person can be indecisive and therefore needs a Consultant who can guide them through the decision-making process. If a Consultant is indecisive, their approach will reflect their own indecisiveness.

It is not uncommon for me to identify someone who does have the sales traits but may have a large number maybe's or unsure answers. Listen to their language as you interview them - are they definite or unsure on their goals. Can they tell you specifically what they are aiming for this year. To date, I have not seen anyone indecisive about themselves and their goals, become a real DealMaker unless they become much more decisive. If they can't tell you specifically and clearly what they want, the chances are they will accept clients indecisiveness as well.

What they're not.

Everybody's friend. It's interesting to note that many of the DealMakers can rub people up the wrong way. This may mean that they may be too assertive for some other internal departments - remember, they won't let relationships get in the way of a deal. But when it comes to clients, they have the people skills to read what is required, and explain away why they are being so strong in their approach. If you don't like their approach, guess what, they don't care. This attitude alone might get you to back off hiring them. Big mistake if you are looking for a DealMaker.

Most of the DealMakers I have interviewed were not organised, and again, cared less. If they cause problems for other departments, that's their problem. DealMakers can talk their way out of those kinds of problems so don't tend to worry about them. Accurate paperwork is simply not a priority for them.

And, they're not good listeners. Actually, they will listen to what ever they think is going to lead to a deal ie a client. But if you're prattling on about systems, paperwork or teamwork, don't expect them to care or remember what you say.

So, they will care about their clients above all else, the deal is everything and they will rub some people up the wrong way and care less. Reckon you can get past this in order to hire a real DealMaker?